I find it fitting that I never completed blogging the last time I was in Thailand. It is as if the universe was telling me that I had more to my story; eventually I'd return to compose the final chapter. It's funny how things work out. A year and a half ago, this is the last thing I thought I would be doing.
When I left Thailand, I left a part of my heart with it. At the time of my departure I didn't know this, but it quickly became obvious. I couldn't stop talking about Thailand, even months and eventually a year later. The ironic thing is that it wasn't in a nostalgic sense. Sure I missed Thailand, but there was something else.
I'll never forget when I went to Malawi. I was excited to be in a place where for once, everyone looked like me. Despite being one of a few Americans, I was no longer a minority! While it was great to finally be a part of the majority, I didn't feel anything. A lot of people talk about how they go to Africa and feel a connection. It doesn't matter where they go, just as long as they are on the continent, they feel at home. I'd always been a skeptic of this, but nonetheless, I waited for the feeling to appear. It never came.
Contrast that with my time in Thailand. Sure, my experiences were a direct result of the program I was in. The program had a focus on reflection which forced me to evaluate all aspects of my being. However, it was more than that. I've been several places in my life and Thailand was the first time I felt connected to the culture. Suddenly I understood what people felt in Africa. Apparently I was just expecting this feeling in the wrong homeland.
Not long after returning to the US, I wanted to return to Thailand. During one of my breaks in Thailand I'd taken a trip to Phuket and I was convinced that I needed to live on a boat in Phuket. I told my advisors at school about this and somehow everyone supported it. Some probably thought it was a joke, but I was dead serious. I felt a calling to return to Thailand and I really wanted to live on a boat. Over time I tried to abandon that dream but Thailand kept calling my name as if we had some unfinished business. So here I am, in the place one of friends refers to as my " 'nother motherland."
I began my journey here equally excited and nervous. After 29 hours of travel I finally found myself in the place I'll call home for the next 10 months. As I stretched out on the couch to check my email, a feeling of calm overwhelmed me. Over the last few months the idea of what I'm doing here has constantly been on my mind. I can't articulate it, but in that moment I found clarity. I have no idea where I will be a year from now, but I know this is where I am supposed to be.
The last time I blogged I made the misguided promise of updating on a set schedule. This time around my only promise is that I will write and no matter how busy I get, I'll find time to share my experiences.
Continuing to engage in adventures. . .
